Rules are like rulers – they’re made for squares.
I am not a square. I’m a person, with all of the requisite flaws, quirks and idiosyncrasies that define the human condition.
Don’t get me wrong; there are certain rules in life that are helpful. You know, ones like: “Look both ways before you cross the street…” and “Never make eye contact with a crazy person on the subway.” And, the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would want done unto you.” Finally, we can’t mention the golden rule without giving a shout out to its predecessor, the Big Ten (Commandments).
Those kinds of rules are cool and can keep you out of trouble, if you’re smart. I’m talking about the rules of conduct that explicitly or implicitly dictate what is normal and acceptable behavior in society.
You know, stupid stuff they told you as a kid like, “Be nice.”
Think about it. Does that really make sense? Really?? If you’re unsure about the answer, I’ll help you out: it doesn’t. “Be nice” is nothing more than a euphemism for, BS.
I think it’s more accurate and responsible to say: “’Be nice’ to the elderly, babies and small children, the disabled, the sick and the down-trodden of society. Beyond that, to live life bound to a social contract with an unconditional cordiality clause is unreasonable and, most of all, unrealistic. But then again, being real in a world as fake as the one we live is a tough assignment. After all, we wouldn’t want to offend anybody, right? Wrong.
Compulsory niceness is the big brother of political correctness. Political correctness keeps us from saying what’s really on our minds, and sometimes what really needs to be said.
The truth.
As a result, truth is like going to the dentist – we don’t want to ‘go there’ but if the pain forces us, we will. And afterward, we’re usually better off. If we devoted more time to being truthful and less to obligatory niceties we could add that much more value to each other’s existence. Yeah, things would undoubtedly get a little bloody at times. But last I checked, no successful oral surgery is without blood, be it during or after.
It makes more sense to strive for kindness – a way of behaving toward one another that, generally, promotes good will. Niceness is an optional emotional icing applied to an act –or intent– of good or evil. You know why people get tired of being nice? because it’s unnatural, and only a necessity to keep the machine running smoothly. And, to top it all off, compulsory niceness is way overrated.
I understand the occasional necessity of it; I get it. My beef is with the social pressure that causes people to think and live as if they’re walking through a minefield, and not a world full of other people who are just as naked and afraid as they are.
With that, I’ll leave you with a few of my favorite moments in recent years that I think speak to the kind of honest discourse I’m advocating for here.
President Obama’s 2008 speech on race
Jennifer Lawrence’s Oscar interview
And of course, Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address